Last Day of Sophomore Year

It's last day of school and I am still freaking out about my grades.

This morning I had kind of a semi-nervous breakdown in front of my teacher because of the really bad I received in his class. 

I had finished my French Final earlier than the allotted time needed for my school's Finals (two hours). So, I asked my French teacher for a pass to my other teacher's classroom. Of course she didn't give me one without obvious hesitation. Eventually, though, after some time-consuming interrogating, she let me go.

I entered my other teacher's classroom with what might have seemed like an awkward grin on my face but was really my usual facial expression for all occurrences.

Now let's fast-foward to the part where I had the mental meltdown...

I had one missing assignment and that caused my grade to fall dramatically. My teacher had asked me why I missed the assignment and I gave him a reason. It was a legitimate reason, but I'll tell you, it was one of the worst excuses in the book: I told him that I was tired and that I had fallen asleep without completing any homework that night.

Sounds terrible, right? I felt foolish saying it. I even acknowledged how stupid of an excuse it was after I said it. Yet although it was a lame excuse, I can confidently say that I have people (the right people) to back me up on it. The excessive amounts of homework I had this year were taking a major toll on me. Not only was the homework an issue, but the massive amount of extracurricular work I was doing was affecting me too. All this work I did caused me to deprive myself of sleep and certain people, like my doctor, my family, and friends, started to notice that. So, I gave in and finally decided to take their advice of getting rest no matter what work I have because sleep is more important and yada-yada.

But doing so caused major consequences--like this one.

Although I knew he did what he could about the grade, I was still not satisfied with the result I received. I knew that I wasn't supposed to expect much but for some reason, all my prepping had been thrown out the window when I saw the final grade. I buried my face into my hands and succumbed to the one thing I am close to most afraid of: failure.

When I saw the grade he had given me, I felt like the word had stopped for a second. I instantly buried my face in my hands to mask my shame. My teacher tried to "comfort" me by telling me that the grade I received was better than the one I had had a few seconds before, and that I had next year to make up for my grades. But that didn't help. And after he said that, I shouted at him, screaming that "the colleges won't accept me!"

That was when I started getting a little flustered and panicky. I cried a bit too.

I don't know what came over me at that moment. The night before while I lied in my bed awaiting slumber to envelope me, I thought I had conditioned myself thoroughly for that situation because of all the preparations I had made. I had mentally prepared a script, cried my eyes out, screamed out my frustrations, and blasted songs on my mp3 player! So what was it that I was doing wrong?*

He got my final grade by averaging the grades from previous marking periods, so there kind of wasn't any way I could convince him to make my grade any better.

So, I will now be stuck with a mark on my report card that everuone knows isn't supposed to be there, and that just infuriates me.

So, besides my First-World problems, how has the week been looking so far?


Published: 13 June 2013

Updated: 19 June 2013

"Brain Mush", Should Be Recognized as a Medical Condition. It is Completely Justifiable

So tomorrow is the last day of FINALS and I am not freaking out as much as I should be. I think my brain has finally given in to the temptations of summer and so now, it is officially mush. I don't think I have the will power to study anymore tonight because I am so... out of it. But I must not give up, especially not on the last day of Finals, which I might add, is the last day of SCHOOL. That brings me to another topic:

TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY OF MY SOPHOMORE YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL!

That really amazes me. A short time ago, I was an awkward kid who felt awkward because of the awkward first days of sophomore year which I consider to be the "real deal" of high school, by the way. I was afraid of my seemingly intimidating teachers and I was also very fragile because I was stressed out about all the work I had. Now, it's been a little easier because I cut out some things from my schedule.

In other news: yesterday I attended an orientation for my HP English and HP History class next year, but I was late to it. Do you know how bad I feel about doing that? I know I left a terrible impression on the my new teacher and I was surprised he didn't revoke my spot in the writing program I am in when I walked through the door. He said nothing to me, however, I was yelled at by the AP teacher for being late, and my excuse was terrible. I told her that I went to go get lunch (which was true, I can never tell a lie) with my friend. I am totally to blame for being late, too. I convinced her that we wouldn't miss anything or have anything bad happen us if we were late. What makes matters worse is that my current teacher (well, until about eight hours ago) asked me what my opinion was of my new teacher, and I think he did that on purpose. The other teachers might have told him about my tardiness and asked him what kind of student I am and he probably had to talk me up as a good student so that the new teachers won't have second thoughts and now I will have to work twice as hard and--

I am freaking out. 

*Takes deep breath, begins to think rationally* I won't go into anymore details about that but I just know that I will be apologizing to him tomorrow before school lets out. Hopefully he won't do that thing adults do when you try to apologize about something and they accept your apology yet they after accepting, they end up saying: "But..." after it. Can't you just take my apology without threatening me? I know screwed up this time but I am smart enough to not let it happen again. If it does happen again, then it's an accident. You don't have to threaten to take something from me to prevent it happening again.
Oy vey, my head hurts. I think I need to take another five hour break. Then maybe I'll get back to cramming-- I mean "studying".

Until next time folks,
- burgers

My Haphazard-Hit-Or-Miss-Indecodable-Wonton Soup of a Life: It Don't Taste Too Bad

*Sigh*...
As Finals approach, I begin to experience the tension and the vast amounts of pressures teachers or anything else start to put on them self which effects the students. My week has been a very tense week as it is the penultimate week before finals begin. And I know that next week will be the week where everyone begins to set themselves on fire because of the increased pressure teachers will put on us. Next week , I in particular, have orchestra rehearsal for two and a half hours each weekday. This is happening because Friday will be last concert of forever for a music program I am in. The program is ending for good and we are going to be the history makers of a forty-two year legacy and yada yada. I'd like to get more in depth about that but I really wanted to talk about the loads of work that's been and will be dumped on me next week and about loads of work I have (hopefully and possibly) dumped on myself for this summer. I signed up for online college classes (woohoo) that seem really fun but the timing and demand they want conflicts with my other summer program, and nobody likes it when things like that happen. Anyway, the thing with next week is just... I don't know how I am going to balance rehearsing with approximately a half an hour of homework time and no studying at all!
Sigh...
On the bright side, I have been noticing the changes in my writing so much that I've regained a miniscule amount of confidence in posting Facebook statuses ( *blank stares). Unfortunately, one of my posts had received a lot replies, but according to one person it's "spam". I guess one shouldn't reply to post with just the word "Ah" followed by over a thousand Hs (it was a friend who replied this way). I didn't have a problem with it, but I feel bad for the people who's news feeds that appears in. But I shouldn't feel bad, right? I should be happy that someone even responded at all-- and I am.

Gosh, I just realized how much I sound like an ignorant teenager. I'm talking about a measly comment on Facebook while someone else in the world might be starving or figuring out the one millionth place of pi. Please remind me not get sucked into the evil whirlpool of social networking (if blogging is a form of that, then it is an exception and is not evil). I will get back to my original plan;

FINALS ARE COMING AND I AM SCARED!

I want to end my year on a really good note, specifically one that probably isn't in the tetra-chord field (weird music joke). Sophomore year was painfully difficult for me because of all the adjusting to things and learning experiences and such. But I think I can say that although it was difficult, it was sooo very life-changing. I think I really got a dose of reality. I have realized or finally understood  that life isn't going to be easy and no one said that it will be either. No longer will I have everything I need to know served to me on a golden plate held up by the hands of all the adults I interact with. I have realized that if I really truly want something, and I know it in my heart that it belongs to me, that I will undoubtedly have to fight for it. I have to show my desire for something and not let my own insecurities get in my way. And to most importantly, screw what everyone else thinks.

I have so much more to say and so many more cliches to use but, my friend, the clock has reached three minutes till midnight and I have lots of work to get through tomorrow. So sleeping into the afternoon will make my natters worse. But I had fun talking and I guess I will see you next time!

Adieu,
-burgers

**P.S., I wanted to talk about the massive increase in the amount of words I use in a paragraph. My writing has reached to astounding amounts-- and I love it. I will try to mention that next time. That is all.