Hello,
I am back from a two-year dormancy.
I feel like there is no need to apologize each time I come back.
The reasons I leave for so long are obvious:
I am living life.
Whether well or not, I think it is safe to say that so long as I come back to paraphrase at least some of life's happenings, then all should be good.
Right?
Ah, but who knows.
Or cares.
I am happy to be back.
Right now, I am in the middle of my sophomore year, and the beginning of my second semester. Classes have been in session for two days, and so has the thunderous, pouring rain of winter.
Also, in two days, Trump's inauguration is happening. It sounds surreal, but alas, it is true.
I feel like, in 2016, or sometime shortly before that, the earth's/universe's life energy tilted on its axis for worse. It seemed like almost every possible (unpredictable bad thing) that happened in 2016 happened, and we were left no break at all. A ton of great activists and people passed for no reason, it seemed.
Perhaps the Mayans, Nostradamus, and all those other predictors of world decimation were right:
In terms of growth,
I would say that I've grown nominally. That is, bits and pieces, rather than myself as a whole grew more than any other part of me. My social anxiety became a bit more manageable because of
1. Medication
2. Acceptance
I have begun the long, well-worth-it journey to self-advocacy and self-acceptance.
Some ways I have noticed this growth are:
I can stare at my own face in the mirror without feeling the rumble of grotesque disgust in my belly.
I actually have a reservoir of compliments for myself--created by me.
I am starting to show people my talents--in other words, the true me.
It's grand.
There is a video that's been circulating the internet that involves a pep talk by Will Smith. In it, he is making a motivational speech about letting go of fear and inhibitions when it comes to what one truly loves.
He says,
"God places the BEST THINGS in life on the other side of fear"
I was struck when I heard this.
This line, I have decided, is to be my mantra of the year. It's so true. The best things come to those who pursue their passions.
You know how some people perform on street corners and things like that, or those who have been perfecting a craft for many, many years? It just makes sense. People like to pay seeing those who do things in their element. Moreover, people come up with the best material when it's a craft they enjoy.
Though I say all this, I am (of course) having a major conflict at the moment.
Ha.
I just made a pun.
That is: I am STILL having trouble choosing a major. This is not good because I am at a public school.
The majors I am in-between right now are: Sociology and African American Studies.
I truly love African American studies, but I abhor the stares and upturned noses I get when I say that Af. Am. may be my potential major. I've even shit-talked the major.
It may seem clear to you, which to choose, but to me, it isn't!
I also would not be so confused if I hadn't had two other minors in mind, which are:
Creative Writing and Music.
See. See that?
The combination of them all sounds amazing---
BUT
STRESSFUL AND UNDOABLE AF.
However, combining such like: Af. Am with a minor in Creative Writing and Music, or
Af. Am and Sociology, with a minor in Creative Writing or Sociology with an Af. Am Minor or Sociology with a double minor in Af. Am. and Music or Sociology with a double minor in Af. Am. and Creative writing or---
(my current plan)
I am back from a two-year dormancy.
I feel like there is no need to apologize each time I come back.
The reasons I leave for so long are obvious:
I am living life.
Whether well or not, I think it is safe to say that so long as I come back to paraphrase at least some of life's happenings, then all should be good.
Right?
Ah, but who knows.
Or cares.
I am happy to be back.
Right now, I am in the middle of my sophomore year, and the beginning of my second semester. Classes have been in session for two days, and so has the thunderous, pouring rain of winter.
Also, in two days, Trump's inauguration is happening. It sounds surreal, but alas, it is true.
I feel like, in 2016, or sometime shortly before that, the earth's/universe's life energy tilted on its axis for worse. It seemed like almost every possible (unpredictable bad thing) that happened in 2016 happened, and we were left no break at all. A ton of great activists and people passed for no reason, it seemed.
Perhaps the Mayans, Nostradamus, and all those other predictors of world decimation were right:
In terms of growth,
I would say that I've grown nominally. That is, bits and pieces, rather than myself as a whole grew more than any other part of me. My social anxiety became a bit more manageable because of
1. Medication
2. Acceptance
I have begun the long, well-worth-it journey to self-advocacy and self-acceptance.
Some ways I have noticed this growth are:
I can stare at my own face in the mirror without feeling the rumble of grotesque disgust in my belly.
I actually have a reservoir of compliments for myself--created by me.
I am starting to show people my talents--in other words, the true me.
It's grand.
There is a video that's been circulating the internet that involves a pep talk by Will Smith. In it, he is making a motivational speech about letting go of fear and inhibitions when it comes to what one truly loves.
He says,
"God places the BEST THINGS in life on the other side of fear"
I was struck when I heard this.
This line, I have decided, is to be my mantra of the year. It's so true. The best things come to those who pursue their passions.
You know how some people perform on street corners and things like that, or those who have been perfecting a craft for many, many years? It just makes sense. People like to pay seeing those who do things in their element. Moreover, people come up with the best material when it's a craft they enjoy.
Though I say all this, I am (of course) having a major conflict at the moment.
Ha.
I just made a pun.
That is: I am STILL having trouble choosing a major. This is not good because I am at a public school.
The majors I am in-between right now are: Sociology and African American Studies.
I truly love African American studies, but I abhor the stares and upturned noses I get when I say that Af. Am. may be my potential major. I've even shit-talked the major.
It may seem clear to you, which to choose, but to me, it isn't!
I also would not be so confused if I hadn't had two other minors in mind, which are:
Creative Writing and Music.
See. See that?
The combination of them all sounds amazing---
BUT
STRESSFUL AND UNDOABLE AF.
However, combining such like: Af. Am with a minor in Creative Writing and Music, or
Af. Am and Sociology, with a minor in Creative Writing or Sociology with an Af. Am Minor or Sociology with a double minor in Af. Am. and Music or Sociology with a double minor in Af. Am. and Creative writing or---
(my current plan)
Sociology with a TRIPLE minor in MUSIC, AF. AM., and CREATIVE WRITING.
It's all too much.
