Thursday, May 23, 2013

Mirrorizing My Future

I remember in the second grade after using the restroom I would approach the mirror (after washing my hands) and just stare at myself. I stare deeply at all proportions of my face and ask "Is this really me? Is this who I am?" and I would ask it in a way of disbelief, as if there had to be someone else standing on the other side of the mirror who was playing tricks on me. And I would leave the restroom, hoping that the next time I saw myself, that there would be a completely different person before me.

When one is young, or a teenager, they go through that awkward stage where they care about every thing on themselves. I have always had problems or insecurities about the way I look (and most people do at this age, I'm sure of it). But my "excessive excessing" ( as I used to call it)  about what I look like has died down over the years and I think that it's because as I get older, I become more familiarized with certain parts of myself-- physically and emotionally. I feel like I can semi-confidently walk outside my house without a jacket to hide anything and with my hair freely brushing my shoulders without being confined to a rubber band. I am beginning to understand why some people say that "looks aren't everything" because if one spends the majority of their time psychoanalyzing a part if their body, then they'd never find the time to see and enjoy the growing world around them. I know it sounds a bit cliché, but I remember how sometimes I wouldn't participate in some activities or socialize because I was always worried about the way I looked. Therefore, I missed a lot good opportunities in my life because of self-doubts. I am learning to overcome my insecurities and I am getting used to the person I see in the mirror. I am loving myself more and feel like the way I am is the image I was born with and there is no way of changing myself because in the end, it'll only be me who I'm left with and that's way more important than anything else.

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